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Otherkin

Posted in Introductions, Magic, Otherkin on May 28, 2009 by Ezikiel

I am quite hesitant to write this post. Not because of the delicate nature of Otherkin terminology/ semantics, but because every site or resource I’ve come across hasn’t helped me understand my definition of self any more than than the last. I’m one of those who are not content with how I am today, because I know that I can improve on who I am, and how I manifest my world. This journal and series of articles, among other things, is proof to myself that I am Becoming- though it is vague so far as to what that is. Even with the pedantic rambling I’m sure will ensue, hopefully this article will prove helpfull.

Otherkin

A calling of Self

While I do identify with a darker aspect of myself, calling it names is difficult. I feed as a vampire would, taking the life energy of others in order to sustain any sense of homeostasis. With out it, I become at first irritable, then downright ill with headaches, chills, an impressive appetite that never keeps me satiated, muscle pains, night terrors, and general intense unease. While I was going through these bouts of binge and such, I started to question why it is that my nature lends itself to the predatory parasitic. Not complaining, mind you- one can’t really change who they are, just trying to understand how I came to be this way, and what it means to me to understand these concepts so acutely. Firstly, allow me to divulge a little more about myself than previously.

My Otherkin nature is a mystery to me. A mere shadow, though sentient. I’ve memories of several eons (of course, these are mostly speculative, but bare with me here) where I would float from dream to dream, earning from the Dreamer. through these subconciouse travels, I learned my first thoughts, the uses of magic, and the importance of the arcane symbols. I began to understand my self through the experiences of others.

At first, I would begin as a side stepped obstacle in the dreams. I was simply a watcher on the landscape. Soon, with my new found knowledge, I was able to actively participate in the dreams of others. Not long after, I begame the gaping Maw that people would run from, and this is when I learned to nourish myself on these dreams. I remember vividly the dreams of the Fae, the Celestials (though their dreams were more akin to guided meditations than anything else), and the God-forms. From the first dream, a part of me was alive. If the gods created while they were awake, I was what they manifested in their sleep. Their Children were my playground, and I was something formless and yet cohesive.

Now, this is not to suggest that I’m “UBER PWNAGE RaWWrrR,” (clearly…) or really all that different from any other creation in the multitudes of consciousness that have existed from eons back- I was simply another of the dark children birthed from where ever it is the things that go bump in the night are. Creation mythos aside- and quite outside the scope of this article, let’s move on to the more pressing matter of how these epiphanies came about.

My awakening, while deviod of any mentoring or understanding at first, was quite problematic. Try explaining to your parents that you can see and “taste,” peoples “souls” and that you take them into yourself in order to suvive. While at the tender age of 7, I didn’t really have much more of a concept to base that on. Regardless, they didn’t take it well. Even with the advent of the internet, there wasn’t a lot of information out there 13 years ago on Otherkin, or the Vampyre community.

It wasn’t until much later, after learning how to cope in silence, did I learn of the Vampire community. Still being a minor, finding answers and getting contacts within the community was difficult, though I was able to find a few people willing to at least point me in the diretionof several good books and websites that would suffice until I was 18. This period of learning and absorbing knowledge was greatly fueled by my spark of interest in the Occult. Several of the posts so far on the Dusty Grimoire have been from practices I’ve adapted and hypothesis I’ve developed during this time.

During my studies, I learned of Psionics- mostly through Psipog.org and their IRC client chat rooms. I made myself comfortable there and made great use of their articles (which are still archived, and suggest them highly) to fuel my understandings of magic and energy work, And still use their basics of energy manipulation in my daily meditations.

And, that’s pretty much where I’m at today. I wanted to thank you all, once again, for keeping up with the Dusty Grimoire so far. Hopefully I’ve been of help or at least somewhat interesting. Feel free to message me or e-mail me at Ezikiel@dustygrimoire.com- if you have google talk even better. :)

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Ramkht and I

Posted in Magic, Rant, Wordy intellectual material on March 26, 2009 by Ezikiel

I’ve been lokoing into the more ceremonial magics lately. Though I’m certainly not tired of my Psionic theories and training, it harkens back to the new beginnings to return to the craft I once held to passionately. In many ways, I’ve been writing and developing new Rituals to express myself through. There is one instance in particular I can think of, where I co-wrote with several other talented individuals a celebration and change ritual to bring balance between the soul and harmony into the life and body. It was an amazing working, and I plan to adopt it as my Vernal Equinox trademark go to working from here on out.

Because of my almost limitless inspiration from/for Greater workings, I’ve decided to pursue it and all of it’s vested interests as far as I can. With my history of energy work, I assume that this will only help to encourage the success of the working to be much more adept.

Following in the vein of traditional magics has never interested me much, what with the heavily Judeo-christian roots that many of the Thelemic systems use. No doubt, the names were replaced by paranoid magicians who thought that to preserve the true intent of Magic as a way of life, that it could just as easily take on their new religion as well. A testament to the ingenuity of their kind, but it still peeves me that I don’t know the original names of power that predate the Judeo-christian mythos. Perhaps that’s why so many substitute their own names and semantic dogma to the same level of success. This same fact was the reason I started my study into psionics in the first place. 

“If you can easily change the names of power, and even the whole system, why even bother with all that jazz anyhow?” 

This is a question I’ve wanted to answer for many years, and after so long working “in the raw,” so to speak, I believe I’ve found my answer this riddle. Using energy manipulation, and my degree system of Psionic programming and workings, adding that to the structure and elevated emotional states of the Gnosis magics, I have found that even though my level of success hasn’t changed, but my mind is changing more readily. I’m awakening aspects of myself through Psionics, and channeling those awakened selves into a larger system though the Greater magics. I’ve been finding the tenous balance of my Right and Left hand, of my dayside and nightside. That center area of grey is my key to Xeper, I can feel it.

Of all these inspirations, I would be want without explaining how this all relates to the title of this post. The OVC (online vampyre community) generally accepts a Caste system of triumvirate work. The Ramkht, Mradu, and Kitra all have specific functions as they work energy, create a ritual space, and enact the Communion of the Ancients within the specific Houses. Each house has their own teachings, and some don’t use this particular system at all, but through and through, my exposure to the OVC has seen these three “types” of vampyre almost omnipotent.

The Ramkht caste (or road) is the Priest. They are often called upon to settle disputes between houses, act as the vessel for scholarly materials, initiate and recognize the  varying degrees of adept-hood within their house, and often times symbolized by their ability to fine tune and redirect energy and it’s purpose. They are the mystics in other words- the aspects of all things metaphysical and the knowledge of how to apply these teachings.

The Mradu caste (or road) is often considered the warrior. They are the guardian of all within the temple, protecting it from the dangers of the community. They are enforcers, swords and shields of the family. Not only are their grounding abilities key to any ritual opening and closing, but their air of steadfast strength is also key to holding the walls of the temple solid, and allowing the temple to exist because they are the anchor. They are the sentry, constantly keeping watch over the working and adding their prowess in protective magics to keep all the Nightkind safe.

The Kitra caste (or road) is the constant companion. The healer and counselor. They act as the mediates, using their ability to cycle purify the energies of any given situation to it’s fullest extent. They are the filter by which all of the sacred is experienced, channeled, and offer their services for the Ramkht to direct ad program that energy. The  Kitra are the Seers of old times- they are the channel by which all energy can be focused from and through, they are the channels of all things sacred.

While my interpretation of these roads is well researched (from what I can tell,) I’ve obviously added my own archetype twist to the castes. Resonating strongly with Shamanistic and Celtic lore (it’s in my genes, don’t hate me) these archetypes in all cultures seem to epitomize the beauty of each road, at least to me.

Now, in my own studies, I’ve often found myself as more of a Ramkht. whenever I’m doing a working in a group (which granted, isn’t all too often) I find myself redirecting and programming the energy, intensifying the intent of the ritual. With my scribe nature, I’ve got hundreds of pages of research notes and even more of journals, random essays, and articles. I’m not as much of a community organizer (mostly because the “community” at large isn’t centered in Idaho), however I do often organize discussions, meet and greets, and pow-wow of all kinds in reference to the magical community. With the at home Dusty Grimoire discussion group, we’ve had attendance of over 15 people, many new to magic, to learn and grow as individuals.

Being a writer as well (don’t laugh, I write good…) I’ve come up with several different rituals and working of my own devices. As a Ramkht, these tools are an important aspect of my Road. Ramkht are the scribes, but also the scholars. Any one magical text is an affront to the true self of the person working the ritual other than the person who wrote it. Without writing our own workings, with our own symbols, and our personal understanding of the universe intricately laced throughout the delicate bits, the magic is useless. Anybody can get up and preform the Black Mass, but true will is preforming the Greater magics from your center, from using and understanding yourself well enough to preform your ownmagic. That is true magic. That is the way to understand the objective and subjective self. That is my Xeper.

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Ritual and Goal keeping

Posted in Magic on December 27, 2008 by Ezikiel

To me, Ritual work has always been a way to signify to myself and the universe that the goal is going out, and I have committed energy to it’s stable growth and realization.

I’ve been doing research lately. That’s a far cry from my usual studies of self and meditation. I’ve been reading several books detailing the Qabbalistic rituals and the use of the tree of life in ceremonial magic. While that is proving quite interesting, it is less fruitful for me. I’ve always been a magician who implied intuition and raw energy to my workings. I never saw the need to light candles or arrange stones on an altar in order to permeate my circle with a specific intent. I’ve been trying to understand the basics of magical workings from a new perspective. It’s been so long since I had gone back and tried the “simple” workings of a magical system. I’d forgotten how different the state of mind become while you focus on the creation of the altar and arrange in the physical all the things that your rite will need. Going through and doing these rituals again (several of my own devising, in case you’re interested) I’ve noticed that my techniques of consecrating the space and tools is so different from what I’ve read. I thought that I would share these techniques with you all here, and see how many of us are doing variants of my own ideas.

When I cast the sacred space, I use vibrations. To set the parameter, instead of a ring of fire (hahaha, unintentional pop culture reference!), I feel the waves of energy bounce back at me, and begin “echoing” throughout the space. Being a more tactile person, I also feel this energy radiating, and getting stronger as I push and pull. My boundary is often only a few feet from my body, so the tangible pulse of this energy raises quickly and takes very little effort for me to maintain. Once I feel it is sufficient, I push out, shoving all of the energy that I just built to the very edge of the space and lock it down. This pushes all of the energy that was within the space out as well, clearing it.

As for ritual tools, I don’t often employ physical ones. If I need a sword, I manifest an etheric one.  Just like when you consecrate a sacred tool, the physical simply houses the spirit of the tool that you imbue it with. Classic techniques suggest a rebirth of the tool in your hands, creating something sacred from the mundane. You are essentially creating a new sword from your own spirit to use in your magical workings.  Forging these etheric tools requires the same intensity of the vibrational circle casting, in a much smaller space. The density of the energy forges the “body,” and the rhythm of the vibrations creates a harmony with your own body. Creating these tools can be essential to your ritual, or they can be used to gather experience in moving and manipulating energy; and we all know how much I enjoy making myself more adept at such things.

Doing these etheric projections, while they may seem counter-intuitive to most (why make a knife from energy when you can just pick one up?) have increased my ability to understand and shape the energies I put into my working. If there is ever a need to defend myself, I can use these projections as a warding, or to turn the tide of a conversation. Let me give you an example.

I want to make a customer who is very upset calm down. He’s yelling, throwing a fit, and won’t reason. While he is getting things off of his chest, I visualize a shield and sword in my hands. Using the shield, I’ll deflect that hostility, and using the sword, negate the energies that he’s throwing at me. I can stay calm, and he’ll get what he needs to out of himself. To make him more calm, still with the shield, I’ll begin projecting an aura of calm. Feel relaxing waves of energy radiate from me. As I’m deflecting and negating his energy, I can begin to cycle this calm attitude to him.

Using these concepts in my ritual, I get to practice my skills of visualization. Most of the time when I use these techniques, I don’t have the time to light a circle of candles, begin chanting, and building a cone of power. Learning to harness the power of my goals and intentions on the fly is (in my experience) just as important as learning to discipline your mind into a meditation and ritual schedule.

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On the Ancient and mysterious

Posted in Magic on December 12, 2008 by Ezikiel

The ancients are, by definition, old things. Gods and creatures idolised and immortalised by their subsequent generations for their qualities and ideals. Many of the Ancients I’ve encountered in text and practice have been an amalgam of  energies and thoughts from the different cultures and people that have since put thought into them. Being a part of the astral, and therefore not needing a concrete body to contain their energies, I’ve noticed that many of them have taken on a form more suitable to their liking. From Shiva’s many armed glory, to Lillith’s curvature and terrifyingly beautiful physique, the Ancients have mastered, in their own way, to harness the energies being given forth to them in order to make themselves known and retain their will in a cohesive being.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been invoking several of these ancients to fuel my meditations and workings. Having tapped into those energies to channel them into my magic has been an interesting endeavor. I Invoked Aiacos, a Greek god of judgment in the Underworld, and used his energies to make a few decisions (being a Libra has it’s drawbacks), Evoked Arachnia into a living Altar to commune with a goddess on many of life’s questions, and got some interesting tidbits of insight.

Using these energies and channeling them (either into myself, or into something else) is strange to me. The energy has a will of it’s own- allowing that will to super-cede my own and allow it to flow was a challenge (to say the least) for me. I would assume that it gets easier, with practice and time, to let something come in and commune with it on a spiritual level, trying not to impose a will onto it (Aiacos doesn’t like that one so much, I still taste rotten meat sometimes…don’t ask).

Though, with the limited experience I’ve had with Invocation and Evocation of spiritual entities, I have yet to have a scary experience, or on that didn’t prove enlightening on some aspect or another. From Aiacos, I am learning to make clear decisions, to balance the scales and find the middle path for myself. From Arachne, I’m knitting much more (Yay, presents for friends and family!) and with better conception of the finished product. Not only that, but I’m beginning to see the parallels between the web of the Wyrd (Old Norse concept, works well for me) and how we manifest out destiny. Every little loop that I pull through an old loop shapes my sock (or sweater, or skirt, or shawl, I’m not addicted) into something from a stringy mess of woolly softness, to a beautifully crafted masterpiece (don’t deflate my ego, those socks are AWESOME) of design and function.

All in all, I have found another aspect of my craft to perfect, and plan on doing much more in the near and far future.

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Fear

Posted in Magic on July 23, 2008 by Ezikiel

When you fear something, it can be immobilizing. A magician, like most perfectionists, strives to control his own will in the chaos around him. By learning this control, the inner universe is at the command of the magician. One of the things that I have always had a problem overcoming, is the fear of what lies dormant inside. As an Otherkin, albeit a demonic Otherkin, my human nature was raised to be fearful of the things that were dark. Over the years, I have since embraced this aspect of myself. When I was a child, and having night terrors of me rending the flesh from my family, I was a very confused individual.

One thing that I did in order to learn more about my fear, was to immerse myself into the experience. While I was dreaming, I would often wake up in a panic, heart racing. If I did, I’d close my eyes, and hold that terror close to me, knowing that if this was the worst that I could feel, that I’d be stronger by being able to stand it.

Embracing the fear in other ways can be an essential practice to the path of a Shaman, Magician, or just a person wanting to improve their surroundings. In old days, there are reports and confirmations of people heading into the dangerous wilderness in order to master their fear of the unknown. The Native American tribes practiced this as a way of affirming the place in life of the person taking this rite of passage. The animal totem that would be symbolize them also came into the life of the person the passed this trial. While animal totems can be found through these exercises, they are a little bit out of the scope of this article.

I developed a meditation of primal human fears, both old and new. This meditation is meant to be guided by an outside party, because of the nature of the meditation I suggest it. If you do not have access to someone to read the meditation to you, you can record it and guide yourself through the process. For this meditation, we will be walking through different “gates,” through each one following a winding path that leads us up to, and through (it took me a few tries on some of these…) that fear. Every time I do this meditation ,I find myself at peace after the initial immersion. I suggest this meditation be done until you can get through all of the gates comfortably. I will publish them in short bursts at random- so to start off, here is the first one.

The Fear Gates

Gate 1

As you lay there, feel your breathing fill your body. Deeply in, deeply out, slowly. Come to a relaxed state, and allow the images in your mind to come, and pass, flowing off of you like water. Imagine your body, floating in the sea, the waves of thought gently rock you back and forth, relaxing you, calming you.

Now, feel the waves rock you a little more. Feel your skin shy away from something coming up from deep within the black waters. Feel something strong wrap around your leg, weighing you down. The serpentine coils engulf your leg as the water begin to thrash with the tentacles that threaten to swallow you whole. Feel the muscles as the tighten on your flesh, the slick of water as it is pressed from your skin and replaced with the cold and loathesome embrace of the monster below you.

Feel your breath, steady yourself and find the rhythm of the waves crashing around you. Feel yourself drawing strength from the beast, pulling it’s power into your body. As you sap it’s strength, feel it’s tough skin give way, and wrinkle. Pull from it’s core, and feel the limbs falling from your body. Breath deeply.

Feel the waves begin to calm.

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